I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize