We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
