just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
