well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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