He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
