I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
