I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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