Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize