Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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