And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
