i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
