Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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