oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I smell like Dick and happiness
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