If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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