It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
A+ Viking dick
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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