Please, let me fuck your mom
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
