Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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