We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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