to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Randomize
