my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
