this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
