More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
