When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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