I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
