Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
