Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
