nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize