Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
