this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
