If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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