i permit you to call me
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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