the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
