2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
