Just invented taco cereal.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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