so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
