They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm like, not good at living.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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