i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
