I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Randomize
