My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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