I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
