The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
