i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
