You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
