He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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