she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
