What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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