My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Threesome in a minivan. New low
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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