Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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