I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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