is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i love accidental penises.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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