Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
