i need an iv and a liver transplant
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
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