I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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