roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
two words...techno handjob
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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