i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
