I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
