the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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