By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
