I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
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