I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
