Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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