New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
