Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
