My sheets look like a crime scene.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
