I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
