i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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