Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
