if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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