You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Life is so much better after having sex.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize