You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize